| Funny Quotes |
| Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. |
| The lovely thing about being 40 is that you can appreciate 25 year old men more. By: Colleen McCulloug |
| Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one. By: W.C. Fields |
| There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.f By: Will Rogers |
| You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice. By: Tommy Cooper |
| I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone. By: Tommy Cooper |
| I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace By: Tommy Cooper |
| I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. By: W.C. Fields |
| My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden By: Eric Morecambe |
| Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. By: Emo Philips |
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